August 30, 2013

I have seen a mother
Mourn her daughter
Seen her attempt to stand
Her feet caving
Eyes cried dry
Face torn in anguish
Again and again and again

Like dying
Ten times over
Each death as painful
As the last

A chest cleft
Its heart ripped out
Clenched and bled
Then rammed back in

A beat

Then ripped out
And again
And again

And I know for certain
I will never have children
Nor tie myself
To another
Mind, body nor soul


I feel too intensely
Attach too firmly
I must remind myself
To not love too much

I could never survive loss

They are brave
That love and adhere
To another
Mind, body and soul
And risk losing all
To death

I’d rather split
Before I held fast
And truly loved

I could persevere
A heart broke once
A soul shred
Intended to detach
From its departed half

I could never survive

I attach too firmly

And so I strive
To remain with this half
If that’s all I’ll always have

And if I must attach
Link only
Mere fractions
And never wholes

Like a widow
That never had a husband
I learn to live like this

To have another become
More important than I
To me
Is a bravery
That escapes me

A bravery I never seek

Journal: Oct.26.2020
Made of Sand
Not Dura, but Alaminadura