February 16, 2017

I am all over the place right now. I experience bursts of such high energy and creative spurts followed by flat slumps of being a potato. I sleep 8 hours but sleep at 2 a.m which means I’m usually up at 10. I tried to undo this by starting to sleep early, only to end up tossing and turning in bed for hours, and then losing sleep altogether at 6 a.m. Having taught myself not to worry about bouts of insomnia, I take a cup of tea and sit in the early darkness reading a novel on my phone. My mornings are my least creative times; I can’t even bother to power up the laptop to open a blank page let alone open my sketch book and think up a crafty design. The night is my time and I know why it is hard to quit now.


For years- back when all my sisters and brother lived with mum- before the clock ticked 10 or 11 p.m, I could never get alone time to just concentrate on my thoughts. There was always something to do, someone’s whim to answer to.

That meant that it was only towards midnight, when everyone was  asleep, that I could do as I pleased.

Old habits die hard and sleeping late isn’t one I’m actually sure I want to really kill. Sure I have been taught ‘Early to bed and early to rise’ but what if I’m a vampire? Why change patterns that work just fine for me?

Besides, I sleep so much better when I sleep extremely late. My mind is always too exhausted to keep jumping from worry to worry anymore- and that’s the trick. Engage my mind enough to be exhausted as equally as my body is, so I don’t feel like a breathing, thinking log.

I have been trying to make a routine of crafting, writing, working out and watching films but I’m struggling on the working out end with my sudden high and low energy. I’m taking it easy on myself right now but I’ll probably just start baby steps. 5 minutes work out instead of the thirty I had begun when I was super pumped up.

The biggest struggle was trying to put things like screenwriting on hold considering how large my idea book is. Writing blogs, poetry and a collection I am currently working on, it’s been confusing how to make sure that I’m not just writing other things; I’m also writing screenplays rather than simply the ideas of them. I’m hoping September will help me gain discipline by starting classes in the two problematic areas I’d like to become habits; working out and screenwriting. Working out does wonders to my mental stability and by taking a course in P.E next semester (story for another day) I hope it becomes more of a lifestyle.



Journal: Oct.26.2020
Made of Sand
Not Dura, but Alaminadura

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