I am happy about the kinds of problems I have nowadays. Even insomnia when it happens, does not worry me too much. Nowadays, what I most stress over are designs to do next, how much stock I should have or what items to create. Problems that can be solved by browsing Pinterest and collecting ideas, sketching and taking things apart then putting them back in other ways.
There are nights I dream of patterns. And cool, funky stories told in fabric.
The weed helps for sure but generally, you’ve been holding your shit pretty well. There have been a couple of unexpected and very helpful receivings of money but majorly, you have been paying rent, eating well (most of the time lol), traveled even, and bought yourself plants and other nice things using money you made from your craft! And what an absolutely satisfying thing that remains!
September hasn’t been the kindest month and yet you have not once, lost your shit! Worry has been present but it hasn’t taken over. The crafting keeps you sane. You’re finishing up on a medieval style cloak that has been painstaking to figure out, but is so very satisfying to see come together! Even the hand-stitching has become less tedious and more meditative.
In the thick of things, you think back to beautiful pieces you’ve made in the past and how the making of them too used to be a cause for doubt and overthinking, restless nights and intense labor; and how so very proud you are of yourself when you see those pieces in the present time. Like constant reminders that, you may not in the present moment be at your best, but you have been, a good number of times before. And so you can be again and again.
I think you will always put more into your work, than what is expected or satisfactory. You sometimes hate that you’re like this because, no matter that you’ve quoted a right price for your troubles, you will almost always undergo much more and you’ll suffer for it.
But would you really change that?