December 16, 2014

Is it so bad a thing
To want to just sit here
Lie here for days on end
Until death takes me

Each time, I think of a thing
I deeply care about
A minute later, it passes on
Like walking away and never looking back
Never even imagining
What could have been

Just gone

And everything seems insignificant; burning a bridge
Losing a friend
Watching a home crumble to pieces before my eyes…


And those moments I do have feeling
They are in the red bar
Like a pendulum swinging only
To the extreme shades

And all times in-between
Are a drab and flat grey
Never really sad
But never ecstatic either no matter what happens

               And the greys they last so long
I am almost afraid

Afraid it’s only a matter of time, before they
Spill over;
Seize my stark blacks and blinding whites
And shroud everything I see
In a mist of deathly feelinglessness

Even more afraid it makes me
That that very fact
Touches no deep part of me

Like merely watching the clock tick
In my mind I merely think
A clock ticks because it does
It has no bearing on me as I sit here

It means nothing

I may lose a loved one
Say one word to end it all
And walk away to never return
And on the road as I head to the shops
Or in the car I ride in
On a normal sunny day
I may meet a fatal death

And in all this I feel nothing

No regrets
No fear
No sense of urgency
To reach out
And mend a broken bond


Journal: Oct.26.2020
Made of Sand
Not Dura, but Alaminadura

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