September 5, 2013

I am dying

To never be born anew

I am dying
To extinction

I know

But still so many questions


I still flinch at memories

The tears I shed beside

Ashes I cast
To the winds

Witnessing a billion painful deaths
Feeling a bit of each
This soul itself
Enduring a thousand such
Of its own

And even now
I freshly mourn

What was all of it for?
I always wondered

And now
I am here
Watching visions
Memories of my lives
Gazing at all universes
I had no idea

And all at once
I see

I understand

And no
I don’t smile
In  comprehension
Nor jump in glee
Nor dance in victory

I am humbled

Like all tragically beautiful things
I cry

Maybe from ripples
Of past
Unearned agonies

Painful losses

Maybe over relief
That those precious ones
Were never really gone

Maybe it’s this moment
And its finality

That it all came to this

And this
What I now see
Is so very beautiful
My heart feels like
It fragments
Into the tiniest of pieces

Like droplets of diamonds
Or a hail of shiny stars
Washing all over me

And my pain feels gold
My tears the lush rain
That gives life
To all that is beautiful
And all that still must be
In the universe

I am dying
Never to be born afresh

And in this one moment
This worn self
My questions answered
My eyes finally closing

This final tear
Then Smile


I understand

Journal: Oct.26.2020
Made of Sand
Not Dura, but Alaminadura

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