Is it normal to be depressed
Perpetually, constantly depressed
For so long
It becomes your yin

Is it normal?

It’s not that I am sad
Or that I cry
All the time
Just sometimes-
Rather than occasional

There is a side of me
That is perpetually pessimistic
That thinks of dark things only
And shuns the good ones

My yang fights it
Just so, I can get things done
So I can get through
Yet another day
But sometimes
I let my yin dominate

It feels almost good
Being depressed
Thinking of things
I rarely think of
Death, extinction, heartbreak

Forever losing
And not really caring

Maybe it’s the numbness
The hopelessness
That feeling that all is lost
And I have nothing more
To lose

And so I hesitate
To rub off this feeling
Maybe cuz
It reminds me
Of who I am,
And where I’ve been
So I don’t take life for granted

Because it reminds me
That death
Is always an option
And ironic though it is
That motivates me
To seek just one more reason
to stay alive

Does the possibility
Of dying at any time
Make one feel
That life is worth it

It does me
I don’t know how

Maybe because
There is so much to live for;
Children, pets, good friends,
Places I see in magazines

The uncertainty of life
And its ever changing nature

Darkness is all around me
Every day of my life
But like all else
It changes too

And becomes the rainbow
Or a lovely aurora
Or the ocean
That forever dazzles me
When the sun shimmers
Upon it

There is beauty
Even in the deepest end
Of the sea

I live for that

That thrill
Of a sudden intense joy
That fleeting glimpse
Of a beauty
I don’t see everyday

The never knowing
How life will turn out
And the possibility
Of another fleeting

That is what keeps me going

Journal: Oct.26.2020
Made of Sand
Not Dura, but Alaminadura

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