The Switch

October 25, 2012

Depression is kinda funny sometimes
It gives me a kind of courage
A kind of boldness
To do whatever I want
Whenever I want

To feel whatever I want

It makes thoughts  like
“What will people think?”
Look as stupid as they are

The switch

Of all things life threw my way
Hot coals I had to walk upon
Things I had no choice over
I now learn one thing

I hold the switch of my feelings

Caring –on
And not caring-off

When am with you
I switch it off
I could walk out
In the dead of night
When you start to suffocate me

I could go sleep
Beside the road
Where homeless people sleep
And not feel depraved
Feel nothing

I realize now
I do not care
For lot of things

A lot!

I don’t care
That you don’t  want me here
I don’t care
That you are angry
At me or whoever pissed you

I don’t care
That I did not clean the dishes
I know I should have

I don’t care about anything
Other than my peace of mind

So try talking
All you can
Try shouting the house down

If I shan’t have the energy
To walk out
I shall sit and switch off

Watch your mouth move
Look at the clock ticking and wonder
When will this be over?
So that I can get back
To my novel
To that story I am writing
Or that painting I had begun
I will sit there- like a good child
And watch you speak
Cuz honestly
I don’t care what you’re saying

Used to- eons ago
But now
I don’t anymore

It’s like role play
You’re sadist
I am masochist

You prick
To see me bleed
But I don’t
Am dead cold

You can make me bleed anymore
I bled dry
There’s nothing more

So I shall come
And be with you
And look at you talk
Rave and rant
All you want
For I have perfected the art
Of the switch

Prick all you want
Poke wherever you can
I’ll be mum

Jab at me with a knife
Stab and rip me apart
If you must

You can do plenty
But you can’t kill
What’s already dead

Can you?

Made of Sand
Not Dura, but Alaminadura

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